Time to Grieve
by Sky-Thorn
Summary: The Doctor never had time to grieve for Rose before Donna turned up. Once she had left him, he finds the time. Set after The Runaway Bride but with mild spoilers up to Utopia. My first Doctor Who fanfic so be nice!


**I was watching a music channel the other day, and that combination of songs came on. Some of the lyrics struck a chord with me, and off went my imagination. It's my first go at Doctor Who fanfiction, so apologies if it's a bit rubbish. Review and tell me what I've got wrong so I can try and make it better next time. Thank you!**

As the TARDIS soared up into the sky, the sole occupant flicked a few switches idly. The vast array of consoles, buttons and levers glowed in the soft greeny-blue light of the Time Rotor, and he allowed himself a small smile. The TARDIS bleeped at him, and his face switched to an innocent one. 'Me? Showing off?' There was another bleep from the console, and his face slid into guilt. 'Ok… Maybe I was showing off a little… Do you think the snow was a bit excessive? Mind you it is Christmas…' He checked a readout. 'Make that was Christmas… Where have we ended up this time?' He took another look at the screen in front of him. 'Or should I say, when have we ended up?' He patted the console gently. 'Where have you taken me this time, old girl?'

He sighed, and went to the door. He opened it, took one look out, then closed it again. His face was contorted in pain, but after a second he forced his face back into its usual cheery grin. 'Ok, very funny, you've had your fun.' He turned to look at the central console, which was still. 'That was just cruel.' He walked round the side of the console. 'And you know it.' His anger, which had been kept in check surprisingly well, erupted. 'Taking me to Rose's grave! What the Hell were you thinking? Did you think by taking me there I'd cry a bit, then cheer up and move on?' He shook his head. 'You should have known better than that. You should know me well enough by now to see that Rose was more than just a companion to me. I…' His voice faltered. 'I loved her. Still do.' He sighed, and slumped into the chair. 'Probably always will. And you know I don't say always very often.' He stayed very still for a moment, as if he was trying to remember something, then he heaved himself out of the chair. 'Where to this time?'

The TARDIS bleeped at him, questioning. He smiled. 'Rose wouldn't want me to mope. She's got her life to live, and so have I.' He looked up at the Time Rotor fondly. 'The last of the Time Lords, and the last TARDIS… We've got to look after the Universe now.' He smiled ruefully. 'Looks like my name was well chosen after all… 'The Doctor'…' He chuckled to himself, then sprang into action. The Time Rotor began to rise and fall as the Doctor propelled them into the Time Vortex once again.

The TARDIS was worried. It had been a few days since they had left Donna (laterally), but the Doctor had left himself no time to grieve. The TARDIS could feel his grief, had felt it ever since the Doctor had returned to it after the Battle of Canary Wharf. It had tried to relieve some of that grief by sending them to Rose's grave, but that hadn't worked. It was at a loss as to what to do. It was almost like a sickness, spreading its way through him. The TARDIS decided it was time for action, but in a much more subtle way. It steered them back in time from their last port of call, back to early 21st century Earth.

The Doctor frowned as the TARDIS stopped. He checked the screen. 'Wednesday 27th June 2007. The day Tony Blair stepped down and Gordon Brown took over. First alien Prime Minister of Great Britain and they didn't have a clue…' He smiled. 'Is there any reason we're here today, or just to have a look around?'

The TARDIS didn't bleep a reply, just tuned a screen into the TV network. The Doctor frowned. 'Why are we watching it on TV? I could just go down and see it for myself.'

The TARDIS ignored him and started channel flicking. The Doctor laughed. 'You? One of if not THE most advanced piece of machinery in the Universe, not to mention the nicest, channel flicking? Oh you know exactly what you're looking for, so just get on with it and find it.'

The screen stopped flicking, and the Doctor laughed again. 'A MUSIC channel?? What the…'

The TARDIS bleeped impatiently, and the Doctor shut up. The song floated through the air, and the Doctor realised why the TARDIS had put it on.

_But now I know_

_When you find love_

_When you know that it exists_

_Then that lover that you miss_

_Will come to you_

_On those cold, cold nights_

_When you've been loved_

_When you know it holds such bliss_

_Then the lover that you kissed_

_Will comfort you_

_When there's no hope in sight_

_Sadness in your eyes_

_No-one guessed, or no-one tried_

_You smiled at me_

_Like Jesus to a child_

_Loveless and cold_

_With your last breath you saved my soul_

_You smiled at me_

_Like Jesus to a child_

The Doctor was crying before he realised it. He hit the side of the console in frustration, but the TARDIS knew he didn't mean it. It was just a way to let his hurt, his pain out from where he had locked it deep inside himself. The tears were coming fast now, and he sank down with his back to the console. The song kept playing softly in the background, but the Doctor didn't hear it anymore. All he heard was Rose's voice, echoing in his head. But that's all they were. Memories. He could never see her again, and that was what hurt the most. She was alive, she was so alive, but they could never see each other again. He sighed heavily. 'Rose wouldn't be this bad. She's got her mum and dad, and Mickey. All I've got is you. Not that that's a bad thing,' he added hastily, 'but it's not… It's just not the same. It's not your fault.' He added affectionately. His ears had picked up the next song. He pulled himself up and read the name of the song off the screen. 'Marvin Gaye, Sexual Healing.' He laughed to himself. 'I think I should get me some of that!'

The TARDIS bleeped and flashed up a picture of Captain Jack. The Doctor laughed out loud. 'Jack??'

The TARDIS bleeped again, a bleep that clearly said 'Why not?'

The Doctor laughed again. 'Because! Yeah I know he wouldn't say no, but… You felt it too. He's… Not right. Rose went too far, not by any fault of her own.' The though of Rose brought another wave of grief, but this time he didn't try to fight it. He let it engulf him for a second, before letting it drift away again. The TARDIS bleeped smugly. The Doctor frowned at it. 'Yeah, Ok you're right, it is better than keeping it locked away… But there's no need for that tone of voice!' He turned away but then turned back. 'And don't get used to it!' He turned to go, but paused at the door to the rest of the ship. 'Can you… Can you shift Rose's room somewhere safe? I know it's not good to hold on, but… I want something to remember her by, other than my memories.'

The TARDIS bleeped softly, and the Doctor smiled. 'Of course… Sorry, should have realised you've done it already.' He glanced back. 'You really know me too well!'

He turned and went through into the rest of the ship, leaving the control room empty apart from the sound of the Time Rotor as it started up again, taking the Doctor on to his next adventure.


End file.
